Sharing=Caring: Sharing Carer Responsibilities With Family

What's changed since your last family discussion about the care of an elderly loved one? Take a deep breath and consider these tips on moving forward.

© Danielle Robertson Consulting Pty Ltd t/as DR Care Solutions

As we approach another family get together this Easter, you may be feeling frustrated with family members ­not pulling their weight on prior discussions about the care of an elderly loved one.

You’re not alone. This sense of frustration is felt by many adult children, more particularly women of around 50 years of age^[1].

To keep the peace, you may just decide to take on the responsibility of being the primary informal carer.

All I can say is that someone will need to be the single point of contact for organising the loved one’s paperwork and liaising with any service providers employed to provide care, whether it be in-home or residential care.

So this coming Easter break, gain the commitment of someone in the family to be that single point of contact and discuss, as a family, how you might share the care responsibilities.

I find the best way to share the responsibilities, is to draw up a plan based on a calendar.

Loved one living alone

Where the elderly loved one lives alone the family may be genuinely concerned about the physical and mental impacts of loneliness and social isolation on the loved one’s health^[2].

In this scenario, draw up a calendar of visits where:

• Siblings take their turn throughout the year to spend time with their loved one.

• Visits coincide with the loved one’s birthday or special anniversaries.

• Visits coincide with annual health tests or important medical appointments.

Take care that everyone understands what the loved one would like to do during visits. Often their desire is as simple as being in each other’s company – perhaps a drive, a board game, a hand of cards or cup of tea.

Do not feel the need to take them on a holiday and, unintentionally, create a “seagull experience”. This is where a well-meaning adult child arrives on the scene, takes the parent away on a busy holiday, and lands them back home very stressed and perhaps unwell from the experience.

During visits, have your siblings monitor how your loved one is coping in their own home and consider, as a family, whether organising some in-home care might be a good next step.

Dependent loved one with a spouse/partner carer

Another common scenario is where your elderly loved one is cared by their spouse/partner and the spouse/partner’s health is starting to deteriorate as a result of the demands of their carer role. 

While a calendar of visits is still helpful, planning for this scenario definitely requires the family to consider organising in-home care and/or having the loved one spend time in respite to give their spouse/partner a break.

For more information on Commonwealth Government subsidised in-home care and respite care refer to the My Aged Care website^[3], or please feel free to give me a call for some free guidance.

The topic of sharing care responsibilities is a popular one amongst my readers. Here are some other recent articles on the topic:

• Taking on the duty of caring for your senior loved ones

• Four tips to caring for ageing parents from afar

• Ways to manage family conflict around care loads

Needing help caring for elderly loved ones or navigating My Aged Care? Please feel free to call me, Danielle Robertson, at any time for an initial discussion on how to set up the right care, support and assistance at the right time and in the right place.

Resources

^[1] Australian Institute of Health and Welfare statistics confirm that most informal carers are female (72%) of between 35 to 55 years of age. The average age is 50. [Australian Government: Australian Institute of Health and Welfare - Informal Carers] 

^[2] Centre for Health Service Development: Evaluation of the Improving Social Connectedness of Older Australians Project Pilot - Informing Future Policy Considerations

^[3] Australian Government: My Aged Care