Taking On The Duty Of Caring For Your Senior Loved Ones

4 Minute Read

While some cultures consider the care of their elders an honourable role, in Western cultures it's one that can give rise to family tension.

Taking On The Duty Of Caring For Your Senior Loved Ones
© Danielle Robertson Consulting Pty Ltd t/as DR Care Solutions


While gathered around at recent festive and holiday celebrations, most families would have experienced some tension on the topic of spending time with an elderly relative.


The tension may have been subtle with a sibling mentioning the amount of paperwork and liaison involved in organising care or the regularity of their visits. It may have been more abrupt with an outright request for thanks for the hours put in to caring responsibilities.


One person will need to take on the duty


In my 36 years of experience working with families looking after elderly relatives, one thing is clear - the bulk of the care load will land with one person.


As a starting point, it is difficult to share the task of completing the paperwork. Answering questions around the income and assets of an elderly relative to access government subsidised care often involves a deal of research, and requires a Power of Attorney to make these enquiries on their behalf. This is just one part of the paperwork.


Also, in-home care and residential care providers need a single point of contact to seek direction or provide an update on the care and health of their loved one.


So my advice is to accept the role.


On accepting it, and in the interest of taking care of yourself, have a yearly plan in place to share the other roles outside those of paperwork and service provider liaison.


Sharing out the roles


Combating the loneliness felt by an elderly loved one is a role that can be shared.


My advice is to draw up a calendar of visits for the year and call on your siblings (and other loved ones, friends and neighbours) to sign up to making a visit at a particular time of year.


Some tips here: 

  • While it is wonderful to have all the family visit at the one time, it can be overwhelming for an older person who spends most of their year alone. Space out the visits so the elderly loved one always has something to look forward to.

  • The visit could be as little as a couple of hours in the afternoon while on a work trip in the area. Lock it in as all visits count.

  • Try to understand the sort of visit relished by your loved one and communicate this to your siblings. Playing board games, chess or walking in the local park may be much preferred to being taken to a flash restaurant or a five-star weekend away. Avoid unsettling them with what I call a “seagull experience” - where a sibling arrives, takes a parent away on a busy holiday, and lands them back home stressed and perhaps unwell.

  • Most Australians over the age of 75 years of age who live with a medical condition visit their GP once a month[1]. Having those monthly dates in advance allows you to schedule a sibling to accompany and taxi them to and from appointments.

 


If a sibling is unable or unwilling to commit to visiting during the year, ask them to contribute money to pay for an in-home carer to be their substitute.


In-home carers perform a range of roles outside of grocery shopping, preparing meals and helping around the house. They taxi clients to medical appointments; accompany them to concerts, theatre and movies; play board games; and join them on strolls down the street or to a local park, visit markets or a local gallery.


For more advice on how to manage your duty of care to an elderly relative, in amongst all your other responsibilities, take a look at some of my prior blogs on the topic:

 


 

To organise some in-home care assistance for your loved one, please feel free to call me, Danielle Robertson, for an initial discussion on how to set up the right care, support and assistance at the right time and in the right place.
- Contact Danielle - For An Impartial & Confidential Conversation

 


Resources

[1] Australian Bureau of Statistics: Patient Experiences

 


 

Danielle Robertson

Danielle Robertson

Working with you and your support network to get the right care outcomes for you and your loved ones. Danielle Robertson is founder and CEO of DR Care Solutions, offering aged care and disability care concierge services and expertise on how to set up the right care, support and assistance for your loved one, at the right time and in the right place. Danielle's experience in the Australian care sector spans over three and a half decades. Now that's a lot of experience, wisdom and networks!